Hi, my name is Kevin Barboro, and I'm a regular guy just like you. I like to pretend I care about politics when it's convenient, but mostly I'm just trying to get by. But probably unlike you, I also have a superiority complex and an insatiable lust for influence and status in high society.
So no, I can't promise you I'll do everything I can with the good of this great state in mind. However, I CAN promise you I'll do everything I can do be reelected. And the way the system works, most of that stuff will help or at least not COMPLETELY screw over the state and its people. If you vote for a candidate who is only interested in doing the right thing, he won't be willing to get his hands dirty or sacrifice your well-being! I know that I'm your best choice for Governor because unlike my opponent, I'm handsome and white so you'll feel comfortable putting me in a position of power.
So I hope you'll write in Kevin D. Barboro at the polls. Because a vote for me is a vote for putting my kids through Stanford.
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