God's corner

There's a quote that I heard that I would open with if I could remember it. But I can't. Sorry, 3rd grade writing class.

The gist of it is this: religion readjusts its doctrine constantly to account for new scientific discoveries. The opposite process has never happened and never will.

So what we end up with is a one-way street that allegedly leads to the disproving of all religion. We will keep making new scientific discoveries that will improve our understanding of the universe. Maybe even beyond our universe, if that's a thing that turns out to actually mean anything. The more we learn, the less we have to explain with "Well, a wizard God did it."

How did the human race come to be, you ask? A couple hundred years ago we might have said God was bored and wanted some people to chill with. Now we understand evolution. We push religion a little farther into its corner.

So you might be inclined to extrapolate. You might say "well clearly that's going to keep happening and one day we'll understand everything and the corner where God is sitting getting lonelier and lonelier will eventually be completely overtaken by scientific progress and the corner will be gone and we'll all be very happy to finally be completely sure there's no heaven and no God. Thank Science!"

Oof, bad news, though. Or, in my opinion, good news. The universe won't live forever. You certainly won't. Do we really have time to Solve science? Do you really think so? Or will there always be something elusive that we simply cannot solve with the limited capacity of our minds? I'm gonna go with the latter.

Wanna know why? Because it would be SUPER shitty if there was no God. I'm not asking for an omnipotent being interacting with me. I don't want some dude on a cloud judging me. That would be the actual worst. Honestly, we don't need to understand what God is. We don't need to understand shit.

But somewhere in that little corner, I don't think God is going anywhere. There will always be something we don't understand, and it's kind of nice to be able to believe that there's some force that will always be beyond our understanding. Something that leaves a little mystery and wonder in our lives.

Don't give that up. Somewhere smaller than the molecules that make up the keyboard I'm typing this on; smaller than the atoms that make up those molecules; beyond electrons and gluons and bosons and charm quarks there's a little teeny tiny banana applying for a job as a telephone repairman.

And you know what? He got the job. You got the job, buddy.

Dr. Fakedoktor Episode 1

DF: We've performed a CBC
Patient: A complete blood count?
DF: [beat] Uh, sure
P: How does it look?
DF: Well, there's simply not enough bloods
P: Not enough?
DF: Not nearly enough. You'll have to get several more bloods. At least a dozen.
P: Do you do that here?
DF: [considers]...Nurse Patsy how are we doing on bloods?
Nurse Patsy: Fresh out, sir
DF: I'm afraid we're fresh out of the stuff.
P: I see. Well I'll show myself out.
DF: Let Patsy walk with you. The freight elevator is a little difficult to operate alone. Pasty?
NP: Yes, doctor.

Commercial Script First Draft for my Campaign for Governor

Hi, my name is Kevin Barboro, and I'm a regular guy just like you. I like to pretend I care about politics when it's convenient, but mostly I'm just trying to get by. But probably unlike you, I also have a superiority complex and an insatiable lust for influence and status in high society.

So no, I can't promise you I'll do everything I can with the good of this great state in mind. However, I CAN promise you I'll do everything I can do be reelected. And the way the system works, most of that stuff will help or at least not COMPLETELY screw over the state and its people. If you vote for a candidate who is only interested in doing the right thing, he won't be willing to get his hands dirty or sacrifice your well-being! I know that I'm your best choice for Governor because unlike my opponent, I'm handsome and white so you'll feel comfortable putting me in a position of power.

So I hope you'll write in Kevin D. Barboro at the polls. Because a vote for me is a vote for putting my kids through Stanford.